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Friday, February 23, 2007

i didnt mean to do all the bad things. i know its all my fault for starting the fight.. my sickness is getting worse day by day and i have to endure it. u just dun understand the pain i'm going thru.. tried to control my temper no matter how hard it is due to my migraine. its killing me. then my parents are quarrelling constantly.. i'm enduring the suffering. but you dont know that i cry cos i cant take it anymore. and yes, i'm a "lelaki dayus" cos i couldnt control myself just now and i hit you. i felt guilty after i hit u and i wished i could turn back time. but i cant. i was just a silly moron. and you said "i dont trust guys who lay their hands on a girl". and yes, it seems to trust me. i didnt mean to hit you. and it seems that you dont trust me anymore. i cant take all this suffering anymore.. i've endured, bottled up all my suffering.. i cry every night and you dont even know. let me just suffer till my time is up. you dont trust me anymore. i dont trust myself either. i might as well rot and be burnt alive without anyone knowing it. im just not as good as you think. as you used to say, "mats jaga pompuan lagi baik". i'm just getting worse. i just hate myself for all the disasters.

and lastly.. you dont need to bother bout buying the shoe.. let me just buy it by myself.. and let me celebrate my birthday alone..

---wrecked @ 2/23/2007 08:48:00 PM---

Thursday, February 22, 2007

tomorrow is EG2010 paper. and i got no mood to study. but i have to. and today is yet another bad day. my girl having PMS and am the victim of her anger. and everything seems like its my fault. ok.. yes i was late.. and u jumped to conclusions and u said i was late to say sorry.. u didnt let me say wat was on my mind.. i was so upset, depressed. i was having really bad migraine and i had quite a bad stomach ache. but i just endured it. anything for u. and i lost my phone in the toilet of grassroots club.. i fell cos i lost balance due to my migraine.. and i didnt realise i dropped my phone. i only realised it 5 minutes later. when i came back, it was lost.. today was a bad day for me. the past few days was a bad week. and next week will be my bad birthday.. sigh.. i really hope that i will pass my exams with flying colours...

studied for all except maths. tomorrow will study again.. and study maths during tomorrow also... till then.. goodnight...

---wrecked @ 2/22/2007 10:10:00 PM---

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

emotions get over me again. fuck. i'm controlled by emotions. hate myself for it. i just hate it being too emotional. yah. i know its myself. sigh...

baby.. once again i wanna say sorry. sorry for what happened just now. i didnt mean it.. am sorry.. love you..

this will be a short entry. just to say how much i despise myself. goodbye, goodnight for now.

---wrecked @ 2/21/2007 11:46:00 PM---

Sunday, February 18, 2007

i just feel upset nowadays. pathetic and moronic. im just so sick of myself. soaking myself in red liquid might be the best thing. when my words means nothing. sometimes i feel that nobodsy listens to me. i just freaking hate myself. I HATE MYSELF! im just totally depressed. anyone get me a depressant? so i can just let myself free. free of depression. im just pathetic. neurodic. moronic. pathetic. dumb. stupid. silly.

sometimes, setting myself up on fire is what i wanna do. on birthday anyone? set me up on fire on my birthday. sometimes, birthdays are just aren't as fun as what i think. the past few years, most of my birthdays were wrecks... last year wasnt.. wonder this year...

the start of my year was a wreck. hope it wont end as a wreck. i dunno.. but im just a wreck all this while. HAH!

---wrecked @ 2/18/2007 09:56:00 PM---


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